


Sigil Battle Markers, Inc

by LAntoniou



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 09:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4660899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LAntoniou/pseuds/LAntoniou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stannis and Roose seem to have similar markers on their huge maps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sigil Battle Markers, Inc

My Lords, Kings, Wardens, Regents and, er, _Khalis_ … _Cally_ …er, Lady, everyone knows you can’t win a war without strategy. And you can’t plan your battle strategies without a _huge_ map and markers to represent your brave, loyal forces who will die and bleed for your rightful place on the Iron Throne!

Plus, you need markers to show you where the treacherous, cowardly, filthy, _blood-magic-using_ …

Er, right, yes, you’re absolutely right, Your High..Grace...Liege...  I meant _fire-magic_...

No, actually, great, fierce beasts of the wild and _dragon_ …

Oh, that was a slip, I assure you, I meant...different...we have lovely dragons, actually. Please allow me to present you with one in gold, later.

As I was saying, the _enemy_. Those filthy, greedy, usurping enemy forces. Or, as we call them, _The Bad Guys_.

They need to be represented on your map! But if you’re still stuck in the age of the Conqueror…

And a GOLDEN age it was, _Your Stormbornishness_ , truly golden, but perhaps a bit behind in modern technology? Back in those, er, _halcyon_ years, battle commanders were forced to use rocks, sticks and occasionally daggers, thrust with great force through their own maps! Which didn’t do the maps any good at all, as you might imagine.

Then there was that Dornishman who accidentally stabbed his own…well, I digress.

In these _modern_ times, it’s hard to tell who will be your enemy one day and your greatest ally the next. So, a cunning battle commander must have a way to differentiate between forces on their map.

A simple block for any enemy doesn’t take into account the bribes one may offer a mercenary troop, or a wedding that changes the tide of alliances… What was that? Ah. Yes. We were so …er… _shocked_ , actually.

Very well, perhaps a naming day party or some other such celebration since weddings seem to be a trifle…er… _controversial_ among you Westerosi…

HOWEVER you change alliances, you must needs then have different sigils represented upon your grand strategy table, and this is what I have brought before you today. Made of the finest ironwood and oak, these painted symbols cleverly represent each of your royal…er, noble …houses!

Gaze upon the snarling dire wolf, the proud stags, the fierce lions, the delicate roses! Just look, my, er, _Noble Ones_ , at the details upon each little flayed man!

Why _certainly_ , young man, you may take one. Oh, and the wolf…why yes…and the kracken…why not take one of each, while we pass them around?

Some of you already use our fine products - they have been seen in the tents of King Stannis…

_Rightful_ …well, yes, one may argue... Usurper Oh Dragon Lady...er, Mother?…but one wishes not to offend…

On the tables of _Chosen of The Lord of Light,_ Stannis Baratheon, well known to be one of the finest commanders in the field, shall we say?

Regardless.

Another happy purchaser is Lord… _Warden_ , yes, Warden of the North, Roose Bolton, whose handsome son is, er…actually, they are not made to bend like…one must be careful…

Well, you see how durable they are! Takes a _strong_ and, er, vigorous man to break one!

Order them in quantity to help envision your vast resources, or plan your cunning counter-attacks. Special editions can be made to gild your own forces with your house colors, or create a custom one using your castle or holding, your ancestral blade, or even your very visage!

Carved by luscious slave children in…

I meant by young, independent artisans, _Your Unburntness_. In lovely, sunlit studios, in between schooling and feasting upon healthful snacks.

_And_! If you place your order _today_ , we will throw in an entire _navy_!

Yes, Lord…er…sire… _Great Baratheon_ …a navy! Gaze upon the different ships we will include, sails and oars delicately…quite delicate, actually…

We can reinforce those. And besides, it can still row with less oars, am I right?

_Fewer_ , certainly.

How many shall I put you down for? We’re having a two-for-one sale on Wildlings and Unsullied, and are discounting the Anonymous Unwashed Horde set, which can _easily_ be re-colored for your lovely new religious zealots. Financing can be arranged for anyone inhabiting a fixed address.

**Author's Note:**

> Looking at them both staring at their Flayed Man pieces made me wonder, who makes those? Do they sell them to everyone? Because I am weird that way.


End file.
